Grouppe Kurosawa: Kurosawa Kocktail™: Cancer - Carole's Story "Miracles" (print)

Carole's Story
1.6.2005

Let me take a moment to introduce myself. My name is Carole and I'm the webmaster of Grouppe Kurosawa's website. I am also Dr. Martin's sister, and a Cancer survivor. Steve has asked me to share an essay with you that I wrote in 2001.

"Miracles"

Yesterday I took my youngest daughter, Kimi, to Supercuts for a total makeover. This Fall she’ll be a Junior in high school and since her older sister, Kirsten, just graduated last Spring, the school is now her domain! Being a Pisces, Kimi usually has her head in the clouds and her feet in the ocean. This summer she’s into physical and spiritual rebirth (and driving).

Kimi and I have a special relationship. Although our personalities are very different, we share many interests and enjoy our time together. She summarized our bond at a very early age, “We saved each other’s life.”

Last year I wrote a story in support of the Carl Wilson Foundation that I titled the “Curse of the Survivor”. A friend once asked why I felt guilty about being a Cancer survivor. She thought I should just be thankful and go on with my life.

Life is not that simple anymore. I have truly been blessed. I’ve learned that life is filled with miracles. I delight in the sunrise and sunset of every day. I see the colors in the flowers and sparkle in the eyes of children more clearly than ever before.

I was a young mother. (Ok, I was in my mid-thirties.) The world was mine. I had a wonderful husband, 2 great kids, a nice home in suburbia, and two cars in the garage - the American dream.

Looking forward to a few hours of quiet time each day, our youngest child entered kindergarten. It wasn’t long before my plans took an unexpected turn. The Good Lord decided we should have another child. The kids were a little jealous at first. Our daughter failed to understand why she could no longer sit on mommy’s lap in the rocking chair while reading storybooks. (No lap!) Our modest home had three bedrooms, so one of the children would have to share his/her room with a new sibling. Whether the baby was a boy or a girl, we could work it out.

Our five year old daughter was delighted to have a real doll to play with, a new baby sister. The family was getting used to being a little crowded, but it was cozy. I helped supplement the family income by doing child care. The older kids were in school, so I kept my sanity - for a little while.

During routine post-partum tests, the doctor once again congratulated us on another new addition to our family. Suddenly our house seemed very small!

In my third month of pregnancy, my doctor asked me to see a specialist. Having grown up with thyroid problems, it didn’t surprise me that it had caused complications. However, I was not expecting to hear the word Cancer. Some thought the best course of action would be to discontinue the pregnancy and immediately treat the disease. That was their thinking, not mine. My personal physician in agreement, we waited until my sixth month to have surgery, which proved that the Cancer was far more advanced than we thought, but we made it through just fine. Almost three months later we had a beautiful baby daughter.

Weeks after she was born I returned to the hospital for radiation treatments. My husband, my rock, became Mr. Mom to four children. He juggled school, sports and gymnastics classes, a newborn who was allergic to everything she came in contact with (including formula) and a toddler whose first sentence was “Look what I can do!”

Thankful? Yes! You see, when our oldest daughter started school, we thought our family was perfect and I chose to surgically prevent future pregnancies. The doctors came up with some very creative explanations when I became pregnant a month later. We believed them. However, after Kimi was born, we chose to correct the problem, whatever it was. To my doctor’s amazement, everything was as it should be. There was no medical explanation for the two subsequent pregnancies. She called it “Devine Intervention”. The doctors also believed that without the pregnancies exaggerating the symptoms of my disease, they may not have found the Cancer.

Well, Kimi outgrew most of her allergies by the age of five. I have remained Cancer free for over 16 years. Kirsten, our daredevil, is off to college. The older children have both graduated from college and started their own lives. My husband and I now sit and watch the sun set. We hadn’t planned a large family, but we can’t imagine our lives being any different.

My blessings, like the stars in the sky are too numerous to count. So, when I see the husbands and children of friends who fought their battle with Cancer and lost, how can I not feel guilty?

Recognize your miracles. They’re everywhere! They’re your loved ones, your children, your family and friends, your children’s teachers, and someone you haven’t met yet. They’re the first tomato on a plant that you grew from seed, that soufflé that didn’t fall, and the pride on your child’s face when she writes her name for the first time. They’re the purr of a kitten, a puppy licking your face and the hummingbird outside your kitchen window. They’re the colors of the sky and the shapes of the clouds, the light on the water as it trickles over rocks in a stream, and the sound of wind chimes in the distance.

When you wake up each morning, don’t curse the alarm clock, count your blessings.
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